


Horizon

by ATinyTim (Forever_MIA)



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M for violence, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Semi-original plot, Small Towns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28851927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_MIA/pseuds/ATinyTim
Summary: Seonghwa returns to his hometown to spend quality time with his family and "clear his mind". After 10 years he's able to meet up with his childhood friend, Hongjoong. They'd grown apart overtime but quickly fall back into their old pattern.. only Seonghwa knows Hongjoong is hiding something from him.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 15
Kudos: 39





	1. What's Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Abuse Mentioned, Name Calling, Derogatory terms, and Homophobic slurs!

"C'mon you fucking asshole... budge!"

Seonghwa smirked at the struggling boy. This was too easy.

"I need to win this! Why are you so fucking strong?!"

The veins in Hongjoong's neck were starting to show from his strain. Seonghwa's bicep was becoming a little sore, but honestly, he could keep this up for much longer. Although they were the same age and height, there was enough of a difference between the two middle schoolers' weight and stature to make this match unbalanced. Being friends since the younger boy moved in next door 6 years ago, the boys constantly found ways to compete with one another. Living in a small town didn't make for a very exciting life so all Seonghwa and Hongjoong had to battle over were board and video games, races, who could hold their breath the longest, who could jump into the lake at the quarry from a taller height, and various other odd competitions. Hongjoong had recently lost their boxing game match and snapped at Seonghwa's gloating. That's when he offered Seonghwa the chance to be named the 'superior being' if they did one final match... a match to put an end to the question of who was better. A simple arm wrestling competition. He figured he'd have the upper hand giving all of the physical activities he does and endures daily, boy was he wrong. Hongjoong severely underestimated the older boy's strength.

"What the fuck Seonghwa? I've never seen you exercise a day in your life!" Hongjoong dragged as he pushed harder. He was becoming even more upset at Seonghwa's laughter.

"Okay... you've suffered enough." Seonghwa pushed harder and his best friend's arm slowly made its way towards the coffee table in his living room. It was like everything happened in slow motion as the other's eyes widened when he realized he hadn't been battling a Seonghwa at full-strength.

"Mother fucker." Hongjoong said shocked as he stared at his prone forearm. He looked back at his best friend's dumb face. "You duped me."

Seonghwa simply shrugged and picked up the game controller. "Wanna play another round before you head home?"

Hongjoong's mouth was still agape as he furrowed his brows. "No. I'm OBVIOUSLY not in my element today. I'd rather get my ass physically whooped at home than suffer through another loss from you." He joked. It was easy to make light of his situation next door, he'd figured that was a better coping mechanism than shutting down and internalizing it. His joking and talking about his abuse out loud was his only outlet. It's not as if no one in their small town knew about it, because they did... they just didn't care to do anything to help him.

Seonghwa shook his head, he hated when Hongjoong passed off his parents hitting him as a joke. He was constantly thinking of ways to make the other stay over longer so he didn't have to go home. Sometimes the beatings were so bad he could hear the cries from next door. Even on quiet nights, Hongjoong's screaming echoed through his mind keeping him from sleep. "Well, I just won our 'final competition' so as your SUPERIOR overlord I ORDER you to grab that controller... choose your fighter... and prepare to BE D E M O L I S H E D!"

The older boy's exaggerated evil chuckling ticked Hongjoong off even more but he knew when he was had and right now... he was had. Hongjoong sighed as he picked up the controller. "Yes sir." he squeaked in a fake scared voice. Even when he lost he always had fun with Seonghwa, spending time with his best friend was the best thing in his whole world. That's why staying out later than his parents ordered was worth the punishment at home.

Seonghwa's adolescent brain thought he was doing a good thing by keeping Hongjoong from home longer. He had no idea what it meant for the other every time he walked into his house even a few minutes past curfew. How was he supposed to know when Hongjoong withheld so much.

Thinking back on it, all those secrets were what caused them to drift apart.

.

.

.

Seonghwa turned on his side. He was laying down in his childhood bed. The room nearly pitch black save for the sliver of moonlight shining through the open window. That memory was nearly 15 years old, he wondered why it popped up now. Perhaps it was easy to think of random things while laying restless in his childhood room. Even the most painful thoughts were a welcome distraction from the number one thing he didn't want to think about. He looked at the hand resting near his head. The ring on the fourth finger twinkled in the moonlight. Seonghwa let out a sigh and pushed the limb under the pillow beneath his head.

'... . come back to me, my love.'

Seonghwa shook away the voice in his head. He didn't want to think about her right now. His wife. His Jiho. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her sad ones. He just wanted to go back and fix everything, but he had to give it time. Seonghwa sighed and threw the covers off, hopping out of bed. He made his way over to the window and looked up at the moon. It was so quiet, nothing compared to the city. Here, nearly every star in the sky was visible. He could hear no blaring car horns or sounds of the busy nightlife, only the quiet chirping of cicadas or the occasional hoot of an owl. Seonghwa's room sat on the second floor of his parents’ house. From his window, he could see most of his old neighborhood, not that that was saying much with its total of twenty-something houses. The closest home was one just as familiar to him as his own. Seonghwa looked down at the one-story home next door. The Kims no longer stayed there according to his parents. That fact was cemented to Seonghwa by the dog house in the backyard. He recalled how much his old friend had yearned for a pet and how upset he was every time he spoke of his parents’ aversion to the idea. The basement window looked as dark as ever as Seonghwa stared down at it. That used to be Hongjoong's room. How many times had he stood in this very spot flashing his light to that window as he and Hongjoong practiced Morse code?

Seonghwa chuckled out loud as he recalled how they never fully mastered it and instead took to flipping each other off every time they spotted one another from their rooms. It's been 11 years since he's seen his childhood friend. A lot has happened during that time but Seonghwa can't say he didn't think about Hongjoong throughout the years. He found himself at random times wondering what had become of him. In fact, that same thought crossed his mind at this very moment. Seonghwa stepped away from the window and made his way over to his bed, making a note to look into just that. While he was back in town, Seonghwa surmised it would give him peace of mind to find out about Hongjoong. He sat on the side of the bed twisting the ring on his finger around and around. He balled up his left hand and clutched it to his chest before laying back against the mattress. Sleep came easier this time around as Seonghwa was able to fall as soon as his eyes closed.

"Heavens Seonghwa!" Mrs. Park exclaimed as she bristled across her son's room. "You never change do you?"

Seonghwa squinted his eyes open trying to adjust to the morning light. He looked over to his mother annoyed at the loud awakening.

Mrs. Park hastily shut the open window. "You did this every night, even in the winter you left the window open! You'd think an adult who pays bills would understand- "

Seonghwa put the pillow over his head drowning out the rest of his mother's words. Even the fact he hadn't seen her in person in two years didn't halt her nagging. He felt the pillow being ripped out of his arms and looked up to his mother. Her expression showed annoyance before she slowly smiled and sat on the side of his bed.

Mrs. Park brought her hand to his face and softly cooed, "So handsome, My love." Seonghwa's smile at her words made Mrs. Park feel like the luckiest woman in the world. "My perfect son."

The man on the bed turned away in a playful pout, "Far from it."

Mrs. Park patted his butt as she stood from the bed, "To me you are."

Seonghwa hugged his pillow and smiled as he watched her exit the room. She was forgiven for his rude awakening.

Seonghwa jogged downstairs. After being forced out of sleep that morning, Seonghwa's first thought was about his plan he made last night. He was stopped by his mother's voice as he reached for his keys.

"Seonghwa? Where are you off to so early?"

"I'm heading into town to look around."

"So soon? You just arrived last night. Why don't you sit for breakfast."

'We', that meant his father was awake as well. Seonghwa hadn't seen him when he got in last night and he hadn't spoken to him since he was here two years ago. They didn't have a terrible relationship, it's just Mr. Park wasn't always the easiest person to get along with. Seonghwa sighed and pocketed his keys, turning from the front entrance and heading towards the kitchen. "Dad." he greeted the man at the table reading the morning paper. He was answered with a hard grunt. Seonghwa smiled tightly, 'same-ole dad' he thought.

Seonghwa sat across from his father as his mother fixed him a plate and sat it in front of him. He was happy to answer any and every one of his mother's questions until she expectedly crossed the line.

"Not that I'm not happy you're here, but what exactly did you and Jiho fight about for you to drive all the way here?"

Seonghwa slowly placed his fork down. "... I told you, mother, it's private."

"You're not separating are you?"

Seonghwa sighed and stood up to dump the rest of his food in the waste bin. As he put the dish in the sink he answered her. "No mother, we're not. I'm here to work on some things alright." Seonghwa stopped his eyes from rolling as his mother, always one to pry continued to speak.

"'Work on some things' hours away from your wife? What did you do Seonghwa?"

Seonghwa blinked rapidly as his eyes started to burn. He didn't want to think about the pain he caused Jiho right now. He shook his head and left the kitchen. He didn't know what irritated him more, his mother's prying, or the fact that his father didn't once put the paper down to speak to him.

"Well, I'll be... " Seonghwa smiled at the old man’s voice. "If it isn't little Park Seong Hwa. Only... not so little anymore." the old clerk stated as the younger man walked through the store entrance.

"Mr. Seo." Seonghwa greeted.

"I believe this is the first I'm seeing you since you graduated."

"Yes, sorry about that," Seonghwa replied sheepishly. "Whenever I come back home to visit I rarely leave my parents' place."

"Well, what brings you around after so long? I imagine it's not to see my old mug."

"I'm glad you asked. Mr. Seo... you remember your old employee Hongjoong?" Seonghwa felt uneasy as the old man's smile dropped and his expression turned serious.

"How could I forget? He worked here for nine years." Seonghwa's eyes widened, NINE YEARS? That meant Hongjoong stayed at this job until he was 24 years old.

"It's been a while since he quit then." Seonghwa thought out loud.

"He didn't quit. He was... let go."

Seonghwa was about to apologize for assuming but the look of disgust on the old man's face made him curious. "What for?"

Mr. Seo cleared his throat and looked around before speaking quietly at Seonghwa. "Look son, you left quite some time ago. I know you were close with the boy, but not too long ago he changed. Started being a certain way we don't tolerate around here."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"You're better off not knowing. It's best not to associate with those types of people. Unless... "

Seonghwa's eyes squinted and he cocked his head to the side. "Unless what?"

"Unless you knew he was like that."

"Mr. Seo, honestly I'm completely lost, sir. No offense but you're beating around the bush. I'm just trying to locate an old friend and don't have time for reading between the lines. Do you or do you not know where Hongjoong is?" Seonghwa felt his temper rise as the other continued to scrutinize him.

"I'm warning you, son, you know how fast scandals spread in this town and that boy's swarming in them." After watching Seonghwa's eyebrows furrow, Mr. Seo sighed. "Last I heard he was staying at the trailer park ."

"Thank you," Seonghwa quipped as he heatedly left the convenience store.

Seonghwa dragged his feet as he walked through the grocery store. The trailer Park turned out to be a dead end. The landlord told him Hongjoong moved out a couple of years back. With nothing else, the trail went cold. No other leads on his old friend’s whereabouts. Seonghwa guessed he could ask every person in this trash town but he literally hated everyone here. He laughed bitterly at the thought and checked his phone when another notification sounded. "And butter please." he read out loud. He was in the town grocery store because his mom had texted him to get eggs... apparently, she had already forgotten how Seonghwa was upset with her. He rolled his eyes at how annoying it was that he couldn't stay mad at his mother... especially when she texted him with a million heart emojis, he felt like such a sucker.

Seonghwa grabbed one of the baskets at the end of the aisle, he might as well get a few snacks for his restless nights while he was here. After walking around for a bit he looked into the basket and double-checked that he had the eggs and butter. He was about to leave when he stopped and wondered if he wanted something spicy or sweet. 'Sweet' he nodded to himself and scurried back to the candy aisle. There were already a few people there. Two kids begging their mom and another person completely covered. Seonghwa would've normally ignored them, but this person seemed really suspicious. They were dressed almost as if they were about to rob this place. Seonghwa quickly shook his head at that thought. Only an idiot would hold-up a grocery store, if anything this person was going to shoplift. If that was the case... . Seonghwa really didn't care. He walked further into the aisle scanning the candies as the mother and her kids left. Out of reflex, he turned to smile at the remaining person. Since he was a bit closer he was able to see the features not hidden behind the face mask. It was a man... and the eyes... it was- "Hongjoong?"

The smaller man shot his eyes from the chocolate bars to the person at his side. He was alarmed because people here rarely spoke to him anymore. His heart was already pounding at the thought of someone not ignoring him, he was sure it almost burst out of his chest when he recognized who had called him. He couldn't even try forming a response as he stared, wide-eyed, at his childhood friend.

"Hongjoong? It's you right?"

Hongjoong shakily brought a hand to the side of his face mask and pulled it, letting it expose his face and hang off his right ear. "Seonghwa," he spoke softly.

The taller man's eyes watched as the other's lips formed his name. There was a purple-colored cut on the bottom one that Seonghwa noticed. He looked back to the other's eyes. "I've been looking for you all day." he laughed.

Hongjoong pursed his eyebrows. "Why?"

"I don't know really. I just got back into town last night and I somehow made it my goal to see how you've been."

'11 years later' Hongjoong thought. His mood dropped but he tried to keep his smile. "Well... here I am."

"Yeah."

"I'm good too."

Seonghwa's smile wavered at the atmosphere change. "Awesome." It was so awkward. The two stared at each other waiting. Seonghwa knew he had so much to say and he hated his brain for not producing anything right now.

Hongjoong looked back to the shelf and grabbed the first candy bar he saw. "Well. I guess I'll see you around then." he quickly uttered as he turned to leave the aisle.

"Wait." Seonghwa didn't let him get the chance. "Can I have your number? I'd like to catch up, honestly."

Hongjoong's eyes lowered in thought, "I don't have a phone."

"Well, address then?"

Hongjoong looked at the other and smiled sadly, "I'm sorry Seonghwa." he shook his head.

Seonghwa nodded, this situation- Hongjoong cutting him off- wasn't new. "Well, you know where I am." he watched as the other didn't spare him a second glance before turning away.

.

.

.

"I can't fail this class, Mrs. Lin! My GPA can't take it." Hongjoong was on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry Hongjoong. You've fallen asleep several times. Missed too many assignments."

"It's because of work. I help pay bills ma'am. I've taken extra shifts, I didn't mean to fall asleep. Please."

"I understand Mr. Kim, but even acing the semester test won’t help."

"Can't you offer extra credit? Please." He was full-on crying right now. He had always joked to Seonghwa that the other would move off to a big city while he was stuck in this trash town, but in all honesty that was his biggest fear. He didn't care if he moved to another small town, he just wanted to get away from here- from his parents. He was breaching on hysteria when he heard his teacher sigh.

"Don't tell anyone. I want a 4-page report on one of your assigned reading texts. It has to be well done."

"Yes, Mrs. Lin-"

"And I mean 'well done' Hongjoong."

"Yes, of course, Mrs. Lin."

"That should bring you to at least a passing grade, but for the remainder of this semester I don't want to see your head down once." the student nodded vigorously. "I catch you so much as space out one time and there goes your chance."

"Yes ma'am."

Hongjoong sat at the desk in his room. He could barely concentrate on writing his extra credit paper because of the party next door. He hadn't spoken to Seonghwa in months but he could hear from his room the shouts and cheers of congratulations for the other being accepted into a major college. Hongjoong felt a little proud of his old friend but more so sad and envious. Why did everything have to be so hard for him only? He briefly smiled at the thought that if he hadn't pushed Seonghwa away he could probably get the other to write this paper for him. Hongjoong looked through his window to the house above and sighed. The flashing lights and shouts let him know just how much fun they were having. The silence in his house was usually welcomed, it meant his parents weren't paying him any mind. Tonight, however, it only made him feel lonely. He stood up from his desk and pulled the curtains shut.

.

.

.

Hongjoong stood outside of his house and put out his cigarette. Why was he thinking about that now? Stupid Seonghwa. He hadn't thought about his past or the older man in forever. It's been over a decade. Why did Seonghwa finally decide to show up now? "Why now?" he whispered, jumping slightly as strong arms enveloped him from behind.

"Talking to yourself again?"

Hongjoong craned his neck to look over his shoulder at his boyfriend. He nodded cutely.

"Cooky," Eric stated as he kissed the small man's forehead.

.

.

.

"You have fun in town this morning?" His mother smiled as she placed the plate of cookies on the coffee table in front of Seonghwa.

"Not really," he replied, grabbing one.

"What did you do?"

"I tried looking for someone," he said lamely as he watched his mother sit down next to his father on the sofa. Seonghwa sat on the armchair as the t.v. played a black and white movie in their living room.

"Who dear?" Mrs. Park smiled.

"Hongjoong." Seonghwa, who was reaching for another cookie, only noticed his parents’ odd look to each other once he sat back up. "What?" he asked while he chewed.

"Your old... friend?" His mother stuttered.

"Yes."

"The fag?" his father chimed in.

Mrs. Park's exclamation of 'Sang-Ho!' was overshadowed by Seonghwa's "excuse me."

"You heard what I said." Mr. Park stated still looking at the t.v. screen.

"I don't think I did. What did you just call him?"

"what 'fag', 'homo'... pick one Seonghwa. He's all that and more."

"What the hell are you talking about, old man?"

"Seonghwa!" Mrs. Park shouted.

"Watch your mouth while you're staying in my house son."

"I'm here visiting you both dad, I don't have to stay in this fucking house. I'd gladly get a hotel."

"Seonghwa please, now let's not be hasty." Mrs. Park pleaded. She turned to her husband, "Sang-Ho stop it. Just because Hongjoong is... the way he is doesn't mean he's not Seonghwa's friend."

"No son of mine will have a 'friend' like that."

This was the first he's heard anything about Hongjoong being gay, so Seonghwa took it with a grain of salt. That being said, he'd be damned if he let his father sit here and belittle his old friend- straight or not. "I'm 27 years old, if I let my parents choose my friends then that makes for a sorry ass life."

"Did you already know? Is that why you're here son, instead of being with your wife. You missed your little boy?" Mr. Park sneered.

Seonghwa couldn't take it anymore. He was never a violent person and Hongjoong may or may not be his friend still, but his father needed to be knocked down a peg or two. Seonghwa stood abruptly enjoying the slight flinch of his father a little too much. That moment didn't last long as his mother quickly stood in front of him trying to calm him down.

"Seonghwa, please. This isn't like you. Your father is going through a hard time right now, you know he has no filter."

The younger rolled his eyes, excuses, that's all his mother ever did for his father was make excuses. Seonghwa turned from her arms and walked upstairs. When he returned with his bag he tried not to give in at his mother's whimper.

"Son. Please, it's been so long since we've seen each other."

Seonghwa stopped by his mother and kissed her forehead. "I'm just getting a hotel room, I'll stay in town for the rest of my break. I just can't be here right now. I came to clear my head and he-" he barely spared a glance at his father, "I'll see you tomorrow, mother." Mrs. Park's grip on his hand lasted until he was too far to reach.

.

.

.

Seonghwa sighed as he pulled away from the hotel. He might go back, it was the nicest one in town... but it didn't have a pool. He drove his rental car to the next one across the street to check if they had one. This one wasn't as chic as the first one he went to, but not at all run down like the other two- he definitely would NOT be visiting either of those... or any of the motels. Seonghwa had self-respect... and money. He parked his car out front and rushed into the hotel. The clerk greeted him with a smile.

"Evening Sir, are you looking for a room?"

"Do you have a pool here?"

The clerk jumped in surprise at the interruption. "Unfortunately we do not." She watched as the man's shoulders slumped, "But... the tubs in our deluxe suites are equipped with built-in jacuzzis." She smiled.

Seonghwa slightly deflated at the words, "Thanks anyway. Have a good night."

"Oh, alright." the woman at the front desk said to the parting man.

As Seonghwa walked back to his car a familiar voice caught his attention. He reflexively hid behind one of the pillars as he looked down the way. Partially hidden in the shadows was his old best friend. Hongjoong was leaning against one of the further pillars of the hotel. There was a cigarette between his fingers, which he put out as someone approached him. Seonghwa's heart quickened as a tall man exited the hotel and slowly approached Hongjoong. He watched his old friend smile widely.

"Tired baby?" He heard Hongjoong ask. The tall man trudged closer nodding silently before bending and placing his head on Hongjoong's shoulder. Seonghwa watched the small man reach up and wrap his arms around the other. "Then let's go home."

Seonghwa turned away from the scene and leaned against the pillar. 'What?!' he thought frantically. Hongjoong was... 'Since when?!' When Seonghwa calmed down, he looked back trying to spot the pair. They probably already left given that he could see no one else outside of the hotel. The hotel that Hongjoong's... boyfriend worked at. Seonghwa looked across the street at the nicer hotel before sighing and turning back into the building behind him. He went back to the front desk and booked one of the 'deluxe suites'.

.

.

.

Days passed and Seonghwa's plan to catch Hongjoong as he dropped his boyfriend off at work failed every morning so far. Seonghwa sat in his rental in the hotel parking lot and sighed. He had his head pressed against the steering wheel in defeat. Would they really never speak again? He shook his head and started the car. If talking to Hongjoong wasn't going to happen today either, Seonghwa made to head off and take his mother to breakfast. A knock on his window startled him out of his reverie. He looked wide-eyed at the person outside.

"Are you stalking me?"

Seonghwa rolled the window down, "What." he said startled. "N- no, no I swear. I have a room here."

Hongjoong put his hand in his hoodie sleeves and backed away. "I'm just messing with you. Why aren't you at your parents?"

"My father and I had a disagreement."

"Oh?" Hongjoong cocked his head. "Poor you." he snipped.

Seonghwa automatically felt terrible, how dare he talk about a 'disagreement' with his father to someone whose 'disagreement' with his own meant a fist across the face. Seonghwa’s stomach started to turn until noticed the other's face... Hongjoong always made that face when he was trying his hardest not to laugh. "Asshole." Seonghwa shook his head and huffed.

Hongjoong was full-on smiling, he was glad the older man was still able to tell when he was messing with him. "I saw the opportunity and I took it."

"Hence the 'asshole' insult." Seonghwa's statement made the other laugh out loud.

Hongjoong felt light, this was almost like old times. He quickly shook that thought away as it was too soon to tell anything like that. "What'd you fight about."

"Honestly?... You." The other's brows pursed and Seonghwa nodded lamely.

"About?"

"... Some rumors." he looked away but heard Hongjoong sigh.

"And the old man called me a mean name?" Hongjoong tried to joke the pain away, but the other didn't seem to fall for it as he glanced up at him with sad eyes. "Don't look at me like that punk. I don't need a pity party, I'm used to the insults by now... The whole town throws them at me- behind my back and to my face."

"Hongjoong-"

"It's true. But trust me when I say I don't fucking care anymore." He took a ragged inhale to calm himself.

Seonghwa stared ahead through the windshield for a while, not knowing how to continue. When he heard the other try to make his exit he spoke up. "Do you want to go somewhere?"

Hongjoong looked up at the hotel for a bit then all around him before looking back down at Seonghwa. "Where?"

Seonghwa smiled slyly. "Get in."

.

.

.

Seonghwa rounded the school building. 'There he is, that jerk!' he thought when he spotted his best friend. Hongjoong was hanging out with them again, the school's 'outcasts'. He watched the kid with dyed red hair, Mingi, puff on a cigarette then pass it to Hongjoong. Seonghwa felt anger bubble through him and marched right towards the group. He clutched the straps of his backpack nervously as he watched Hongjoong slowly look up.

"What?"

Seonghwa couldn't believe the nerve of this kid. "Can I speak with you?"

"Go ahead," Hongjoong said as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"Alone." Seonghwa enunciated. Some of the students laughed, making Hongjoong smile as he stood up.

He followed after the older boy and flipped Mingi off when the sophomore made a blowjob gesture with his mouth and hand. When they rounded the side of the building he almost crashed into Seonghwa's back as the other halted in his steps and turned around. "What do you want?"

"'What do i-' Where have you been? You're never there wgen I finish my tutoring sessions. You always used to wait and we'd walk home together."

"Well, I can't wait forever Seonghwa. I've got other things to do. I have a life too."

That statement stumped Seonghwa. "Well... I just miss you. What if I skip today's lesson and we go to the arcade."

Hongjoong quickly looked down. He almost caved, this was big... Seonghwa never skipped anymore, not since he set his eyes on that big university. Hongjoong shakily brought the cigarette to his lips and shook his head.

"My house then?" Seonghwa pleaded. He'd suspected it for months now, his best friend drifting away from him. He shot the speculation down each time, coming up with different explanations but now he was witnessing it first-hand. He could see the other voicing his disinterest and it scared him. "Joong."

"Not today Seonghwa," Hongjoong said quietly as he put his cigarette out on the brick building and turned away. His eyes burned from tears he was willing away. He told Mingi and the others his eyes were red because he choked on the smoke. He couldn't even bring himself to fake laugh when they joked about him being an amateur.

.

.

.

"Why here?" Hongjoong looked around their old high school and laughed confusedly.

"To reminisce... think about the good times." He haughtily smiled over at the other earning him a laugh.

"You're still such a dork Seonghwa." They approached one of the benches and sat down. With it being the weekend, school wasn't in session, so the two men were the only people on the school ground. "So, who's the lucky lady?" he asked, tilting his head at Seonghwa's left hand.

The older male looked down and twisted the ring on his finger. "Her name is Jiho." he smiled.

"How long?"

"Five years." Seonghwa laughed at Hongjoong's whistle. "I know... long time."

"You got married at 22... at 22 I was still working at the corner store." Hongjoong jokes.

"You can't stop love."

"That's true." He spoke as he looked ahead at the school.

"So... " Seonghwa dragged out, "who's the fortunate fellow?" Seonghwa tried his best not to laugh.

"I hate you so much." Hongjoong ducked and shook his head as he laughed.

"So you get it? 'lucky lady' 'fortu-"

"Yes I got it asshole," he laughed, "I'd be an idiot not to."

Seonghwa gave him a knowing look, "Well... " that earned him a hard punch to his shoulder. He exaggerated how much it hurt by yelling out and clutching it. Hongjoong was laughing, mouth wide as he tried to calm him.

After Seonghwa finally shut up Hongjoong, hand still on Seonghwa's shoulder, laid his head there too. It's been 11 years since they last spoke but at the moment it felt like just yesterday. "I missed this."

Seonghwa reached his hand up and cupped the side of Hongjoong's head that rested on his shoulder, "Me too."

.

.

.

Seonghwa's trip back home had produced the best possible scenario. He had his best friend from ages 6-17 back in his life. They had a rocky start and still had a few awkward pauses in their conversations, but they were talking! They were talking, laughing, and hanging out almost every day. It became a pattern for Seonghwa to wake each morning, get ready, wait in his car for Hongjoong to join him, drive somewhere and chat/eat, drive Joong back to the hotel before Eric- Hongjoong's boyfriend- got off work, go hang with his mom, then return to the hotel for the night. Time passed quickly like that and Seonghwa never grew bored of it. What did put him off, however, were the occasions when Hongjoong wouldn't show up for the day. Usually the other would just pop up the next day full of apologies but it was different this time. Seonghwa waited in his rental for the third Joong-less morning in a row. The other once again didn't show up. Seonghwa put his car in reverse and as he twisted in his seat to look through the back window he quickly slammed on the breaks. He put the car into park and watched as Hongjoong walked to the passenger door and opened it, getting in. Hongjoong didn't look at Seonghwa at all while he closed the door and buckled up.

Hongjoong could feel the others stare on him and sighed before turning to him. He opened his eyes wide at the other. "What?" he quipped.

Seonghwa didn't even know where to start. He could talk about how he was stood up for three days, he could ask why the other was wearing a thick white turtleneck on a humid day in March, perhaps mention the others snippy tone, but Seonghwa chose to start with something different when he saw the dark bags under the other’s eyes. "Are you okay?"

"W- what do you mean?" Hongjoong stuttered.

"You look exhausted."

"Gee thanks. That's what every person wants to hear."

"I mean- you just... Are you okay Joong?"

Hongjoong sighed and faced forward once again. "Let's just leave okay. Before I go back home."

At that Seonghwa put the car into reverse once again and drove off. He had a diner in mind for their meeting today, but seeing how snippy the other was being, he had another destination in mind.

"The quarry." Hongjoong looked around them in awe, he looked at the old- always ignored- 'No Swimming' sign and laughed. Seonghwa walked up next to him on the rock-filled shore.

"You sound astonished. How long has it been since you've been here?"

"Since the last time we came together." Hongjoong laughed to the other.

"You haven’t come once since then?!"

Hongjoong looked back at the water and smiled, "I saw no point." He flinched when the other placed his hand around his shoulders. Seonghwa, thinking he had scared the other with an unexpected touch was fast to apologize. Hongjoong shook his head. "It's not that. I'm just a little sore," he stated as he sat down on the shore.

Seonghwa stared down at him for a bit before sitting beside him. "Those kickboxing classes are really giving it to you huh?"

"Huh?" Hongjoong honestly felt lost for a bit.

"That's what you told me you take. Remember, when I asked about all of your cuts and bruises... you said you've been taking Kickboxing to learn self-defense."

Hongjoong's eyes widened as it clicked, "Oh... yeah. It's rough." He laughed half-heartedly looking back to the waters. Another quiet moment passed, this one was heavy, however. Hongjoong could feel the other's hard stare on him. He quickly blinked away the tears forming. His lip trembled, why- after all this time- did the other still know him so well?

"Hongjoong." the smaller man lost it at Seonghwa's soft tone. "There's something I really hope I'm wrong about." Seonghwa watched the other's trembling mouth and brows. When his best friend turned those big, afraid eyes towards him... he just knew. "Show me." he urged, mouth tight.

Hongjoong knew he was had. He looked away from Seonghwa to roll up the sleeves of his sweater. He was still looking at the water as he pulled the turtleneck collar down to reveal his neck. When he didn't hear a word, gasp, anything from the other, he looked back to Seonghwa. Seonghwa was shaking in anger. Hongjoong didn't have to imagine how disgusting the large bruises around his throat, wrists, and arms looked... he was too used to it. When Seonghwa quickly made to stand Hongjoong grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Seonghwa don't."

"NO Hongjoong. I was a kid when your mom and dad did this to you. I couldn't do anything then. I'm not a kid anymore and I'm not going to sit around and let Eric beat you!"

"I love him!" he gripped tighter "And it may be hard to see past this, but he loves me too!"

Seonghwa pointed to the handprints around Hongjoong's neck, "That's not fucking love!"

"That's funny coming from you. The one who always said 'Of course your parents love you Joong' How is this different?"

"It's not! Like I said I was a kid! I can't let you hurt like this."

"I'm used to it. It's all I know- Love like this." Hongjoong smiled bitterly. When Seonghwa yanked away from him trying to get up Hongjoong continued. "Seonghwa, I don't resent you for leaving. I'm happy you got out of this shithole. But I swear to god... If you do anything to take him away from me- I will hate you. I will fucking hate you Seonghwa." he seethed through his teeth.

Seonghwa's eyes turned from angry to hurt at Hongjoong's words. He searched the other's eyes for any sign of a lie, when he found none he sat back defeated. Hongjoong released his grip on Seonghwa's shirt and sat back as well. "What do you expect me to do then?" he looked up sadly.

"Forgive me." Hongjoong cried. "Forgive me and stay by my side." he looked up teary-eyed. "and be my friend again."

Seonghwa melted at Hongjoong's shaky words and crawled forward. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man and felt tears of his own fall as he responded, "I never stopped."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is based on a non-ateez fic entitled "The Miserable Ones". I've been given permission from the author of that work to rewrite the story.


	2. I Want to Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mentions of Abuse, Depressive Themes

Time seemed to pass quicker now. Seonghwa and Hongjoong, with fewer secrets between both of them, seemed to fall into their old habits even more. Seonghwa was delighted that the other smiled more freely, laughed louder, and felt comfortable enough to not hold back the skin-ship the younger so clearly adored. Hongjoong was so comfortable in fact, he no longer felt the need to cover up so much- a blessing because of the rising temperatures outside. That's why Seonghwa now shifted slightly in his booth seat. The sleeveless shirt the other was wearing showed all the bruises and scars on the smaller man's arms. That sight made Seonghwa a bit uncomfortable, but the older man would never let it be known. He was enjoying the other's openness too much. He smiled as Hongjoong walked over to the booth with their drinks.

"What?" Hongjoong asked as he sat across from the other.

"Nothing. I just imagined you tripping and spilling those all over the place." He laughed and winced as that lie caused Hongjoong to kick him from beneath the table.

"From what I remember you were the clumsy one." He teased as he pulled his drink closer to him. "Constantly tripping over absolutely nothing." He beamed as the older man closed his eyes and shot his head away in a fake pout.

"I'll have you know, me falling over everything makes everyone fall for me.

"Oh god-"

"It's part of my charm."

Hongjoong shook his head and smiled. "You're shameless." He grabbed the skinny straw in his drink with his tongue. "It's a little true though... I guess."

Seonghwa watched the slick muscle as he responded. "What? That I make everyone fall for me?" His lips quirked up as he watched the other click his tongue and huff.

"No, you idiot. I mean to say your clumsiness is endearing at times. It makes up for the fact that you're a complete scumbag."

Seonghwa angled his head upwards as he laughed out loud. How could they still be so comfortable insulting each other after so long? He loved it. Looking back at the other, Hongjoong's tongue caught his attention once again as the younger man smiled at him teasingly with the muscle between his teeth. "Put that thing back where it belongs before I rip it out." he threatened, pointing at Hongjoong's mouth.

It didn't take too long for Hongjoong to figure out what the older man was referring to. He'd caught Seonghwa a couple of times within the last few weeks staring at his mouth. At first, Hongjoong was a little embarrassed, thinking he'd had something in his teeth, but he calmed once he recalled how he'd been called out before about his overactive tongue. He didn't do it on purpose, but it was funny to see that even his best friend wasn't immune to its allure. Hongjoong, never one to waste the opportunity to tease Seonghwa, licked across his upper lip before responding. "Is it too much of a distraction?"

Another new development in their restored relationship was the random moments of blatant flirting. They both were aware of Seonghwa's heterosexuality and the fact that they were both in relationships, but their fake- sometimes over-the-top flirting- amused both men to no end. "Mr. RobKIMson... Are you trying to seduce me?" Seonghwa said, fake worried. "Because if you are... it's working."

The conversation ended when Hongjoong couldn't stop laughing. While everyone else tended to sigh, shake their head, or laugh awkwardly whenever Seonghwa made a pun, Hongjoong couldn't get enough of them. A large chunk of their childhood together consisted of the younger man struggling to breathe after Seonghwa made one of the worst 'old-man jokes' he could imagine.

Because the smaller man always responded so well- too well at times- Seonghwa struggled with the thought of if the laughter was just for show. But even after all this time, Hongjoong's reaction stayed the same. Seonghwa shook his head as the other tried calming himself down, even Seonghwa knew it wasn't _that_ funny. He stood and leaned his arms on the table. He didn't speak until the younger man finally settled down and looked up at him. "Let's play darts."

Hongjoong cleared his throat, his cheeks hurt from laughing too hard. He honestly did think Seonghwa was hilarious, but the alcohol must've amplified it a ton. "I've never played."

The older man's eyes and smile widened as he pushed off the table. "Ohh, so I'll remain the superior being after this match as well."

Hongjoong scrunched his face up at the teasing and quickly stood. He faced Seonghwa staring up at him in a challenge. The short man pulled the straw out of his drink and swiped the glass from the table. After gulping down a few large sips he slammed it down and turned back to Seonghwa with a large exhale. The alcohol burned, but so did the competitiveness he'd thought was long gone. "Don't act so cocky. You're about to have your ass handed to you by an amateur."

"First off, you've never seen me naked, but from what women have told me, know that I am very cocky." He watched the other's eyes widen as Hongjoong did his best not to laugh. "As for my ass... I wasn't aware I'd misplaced it. So if you have it, I'd like it back ."

"You're such an idiot." Hongjoong choked out, turning away and heading towards the darts area.

The bar they were at was close to Seonghwa's hotel, both businesses sat in the more urbanized city just outside of their small town. Seonghwa and Hongjoong used to walk almost 2 hours to come to this place and play at the arcade in the mall. Visiting this city made the two boys long to leave their hometown even more. Even though the two places bordered one another, there was enough of a difference for Seonghwa and Hongjoong to want to escape to the bigger one whenever they could. As adults with a car, the 2-hour walk was shortened to a 15-minute drive, delighting both individuals immensely.

Seonghwa went first in their game. He hadn't played darts probably since college, but with Hongjoong being a novice... he wasn't too worried. They took turns and Seonghwa was steadily becoming more confident, Hongjoong couldn't even aim correctly. When he saw the other pout while aiming the dart at the board, Seonghwa sighed. He decided to do a little coaching- and maybe something else to cheer the other up.

Hongjoong squinted one eye, moving his hand back-and-forth hoping the dart would go in the direction he wanted this time. He looked over his shoulder in surprise as Seonghwa's warm body stopped a few inches behind his own. He looked up at his raised hand when Seonghwa took it in his and adjusted it. Hongjoong internally shook his head, what happened to his timid friend of the olden days? Where had Seonghwa learned to be so bold? Seonghwa's face was centimeters away while he basically stood chest-to-toe glued to the smaller man's body. Hongjoong looked over his shoulder, glancing up at Seonghwa through his long lashes. In middle school they'd been around the same height, Seonghwa probably one millimeter- _or 20_ \- taller. Now, as adults, Hongjoong was eye level with the other man’s angular jaw and plush lips. Not that he never noticed, but with the emergence of their new friendship and all the flirting that came with it, Hongjoong could now see how truly attractive Seonghwa is.

When Hongjoong's arm holding the dart was adjusted to Seonghwa's liking, he slid his hand down the smaller man's forearm and stood behind him placing his other hand on Hongjoong's hip. Seonghwa spoke softly into his ear. "Try throwing it from here." He smirked when removed his lips from Hongjoong's ear, watching it redden.

The smaller man's ear burned, he'd had to suppress a shiver caused by the soft air from Seonghwa's mouth. Hongjoong was determined not to let the other get the best of him. He quickly threw the dart, smirking when it landed on the green near the center. He jumped around and smiled at Seonghwa. "That's good right?!"

Seonghwa smiled from the dartboard to his excited friend, surprised that his adjustment actually worked. "Yeah." he huffed, mildly bewildered.

"Now that I know where to stand, you're going down old man."

Whatever response Seonghwa would've voiced was lost as he was once again distracted by Hongjoong's tongue. The guilty appendage made itself known, perching against the underside of the small man's top teeth as he teased. Still looking at it, Seonghwa brought his hand up and lightly flicked the bottom of Hongjoong's chin. "I thought I warned you about that thing."

Hongjoong bit his lip to fight his smile. Before he was able to dive back into their flirting, the quick glance he made around the room caused him to clear his throat and take a step back. Even though they were a town over from their homeplace, Hongjoong knew how fast word could travel. How close the two were right now- and in this public place, could be severely misconstrued for what it's not. He wasn't worried about Eric possibly finding out- not mostly at least. Hongjoong's main concern was Seonghwa being subjected to the harsh words, looks, and actions from the hateful people in their town. Ever since they'd learned of his sexuality, that's all he ever experienced. It's leased some this past year, probably because of his obvious abuse, but the townsfolk found a way to hurt Hongjoong even more- they completely ignored him.

Seonghwa furrowed his brows as he watched the other's mood fall. Did he go too far and make him uncomfortable? He looked at Hongjoong with questioning eyes and waited for the other to speak up.

"I- We should probably be careful not to catch anyone's attention," Hongjoong muttered. "I wouldn't want any rumors to be spread about you. You know how bigoted people in our town can be."

Seonghwa slowly smiled, feeling relieved. He closed the distance Hongjoong had made during his retreat. "You should know me well enough to know I don't give a fuck about that town."

Hongjoong tried a smile. "I know, that's why you left." Hongjoong sighed at his outburst. "Wow, that came out way more emo than I intended. I need more of my drink." He turned away from the dartboard and headed back to their booth. After lowering his glass he noticed the other had followed him to their table. The look on Seonghwa's face nothing but apologetic.

Seonghwa stared at the other sadly as he sat down. He waited for Hongjoong to sit before he spoke softly. "It was easier to leave because I thought we'd grown apart."

Hongjoong scooted closer to the center of the semicircle-shaped booth. "We didn't grow apart Seonghwa," he shook his head slightly, "I pushed you away."

Seonghwa slowly joined him in the middle. "Why?" he questioned, this was something he always wanted to know.

"It was towards the end of our junior year. I couldn't lie to myself anymore, despite the fact that it was ingrained in me to feel it was wrong, I noticed _it_... It was nagging at first- but then it was too loud to ignore. I tried to fight it, but I just couldn't see women how you and others did." Hongjoong covered his face with both hands. All the memories of shame and self-hatred came rushing back. "Once I realized I was gay, I wanted to disappear. I knew that if anyone found out they'd be disgusted. I knew that because **I** felt disgusting. I didn't want to be friends with you anymore... " he looked at Seonghwa teary-eyed, " because I didn't want you to hate me like I hated myself."

Seonghwa brought Hongjoong's head to his shoulder, using his arm to cradle it. Luckily they were seated in a darker corner of the bar, away from prying eyes. Not that he was embarrassed to be seen embracing his friend, he didn't feel it was anyone else's right to witness this moment... their moment. "I could never hate you." He pulled away enough to be able to look the other in his eyes. He was hit once again with how strong this man was. Despite what he's been through, it was so rare to see the other cry. Even during their confrontation at the quarry, Hongjoong's only tears were the ones he forced himself not to shed. Seonghwa's eyes watered, he so dearly wanted to hold some of the weight this man has had to carry his whole life. But, like Hongjoong requested... all he could do was stay by his side as he battled through it. "You're my best friend ."

.

.

.

Seonghwa had just picked up Hongjoong for their daily adventure. They were driving around with no place in particular to go. In the past weeks, they'd already been to most of their old spots. The small town and the city next to it only had so much to do. Perhaps they could go somewhere peaceful and just talk. Seonghwa gasped at what popped into his mind next. "Hongjoong! The shack!"

"... ?"

"By the Kwon's farm?"

Hongjoong turned to him with pursed brows, "Do you think it's still there? I mean... it was pretty run down when we were kids."

"It can't hurt to find out."

When they arrived, sure enough, the old abandoned shack was still there. Hongjoong and Seonghwa had come across this place almost 20 years ago during one of their bike races. It was surrounded by forestry and the nearest property was an old couples farm down the way- the perfect spot for their old pretend battles and firecracker launchings. Seonghwa parked the car on the rock-filled path and both men stepped out, starting down the grassy slope leading to the building.

"God," Hongjoong exclaimed with a grossed-out expression. There were who-knows how many spider webs around the place. He and Seonghwa both choked on the dust-filled air when the latter opened the rickety door. "I'm not walking in any further," he stated at the doorway.

Seonghwa turned around in the open space, it couldn't have been more than a 10ft by 10ft area. "C'mon. This place is perfectly private for our proposed plans."

Hongjoong looked away with a smile and a huff, "How did I ever become friends with such a dork?" When he locked eyes with the smiling 'dork' he shook his head in defeat. "Let’s at least straighten this place up a bit." he pouted.

"We can do more than that." Seonghwa turned around the room once more, "Let's go get some cleaning supplies and maybe a few blankets."

At Seonghwa's words, Hongjoong's smile widened and his face completely lit up. "We're almost 30... Aren't we a little too old for a clubhouse?" He gave Seonghwa a prissy look. When the other mirrored his expression and the two simply stared at each other, Hongjoong did his best not to laugh. Still facing the older man, Hongjoong moved his eyes over to the side then smiled before quickly exclaiming. "I'll race you to the car." He didn't even let Seonghwa hear the full sentence before he was running away. He childishly giggled as he heard the older yelling about how much of a cheater he was behind him.

"Ahh." Hongjoong comically exhaled as he placed the broom in the corner. "I've forgotten how good it felt to beat you. I love showing just how superior I am over you Hwa." He made a show of stretching while the older man across the room rolled his eyes.

Seonghwa glared at the pillow he was fluffing and responded, "Oh shut up. You didn't win, we finished at the same time."

"True," Hongjoong said as he lay down on the pallet Seonghwa had just set up, "but your side is ugly."

Seonghwa looked around the room. When they came back to the shack from the store with cleaning supplies, a bedding set- and snacks, the two men went straight to work. Always trying to compete with one another, they made a bet of who could clean and organize their designated half of the room the quickest. Okay, so maybe Seonghwa didn't do the best dusting job of his life... and perhaps there were still spiderwebs and shards of glass that should've been dealt with, but he was in a rush to finish faster so he didn't care too much about the aesthetics. "The deal was who cleaned 'faster'... not better, so sorry buddy... but I believe I won that round." He joked, know that his OCD self would most likely go over his AND Joong's cleaning jobs later.

Hongjoong placed his hands underneath his head and looked over to his companion. "If that's how it's going to be, you can take me home right now." I closed his eyes in fake anger. "I hate cheaters." He lost it when Seonghwa started bowing over and over again begging for forgiveness.

The morning sky had changed as it was now well passed noon. The two men still lay side-by-side on their pallet, staring up at the ceiling of the shack. They'd been chatting for hours. The goal of today was to catch up on everything.

"... Yeah we met on a blind date," Seonghwa stated as he subconsciously turned the ring on his finger. "I was twenty, and even though she was only my third girlfriend ever... I just knew she was the one."

Hongjoong smiled up at the ceiling. "Then why are you here Seonghwa? You haven't told me yet... what happened?"

The older man felt his heart pick up, not now. He couldn't tell anyone just yet, it still was too painful to even think about. He was so sorry- "I just have some things that I have to work out." he felt his eyebrows purse as he reached for more to say, "things that I need to be alone and think about."

"Away from your spouse though? Aren't you hurting her?"

Seonghwa looked to his right and Hongjoong was already looking at him. Seonghwa smiled bitterly, "Immensely." He prayed that Hongjoong could read in his eyes he didn't want to continue. He instead decided to change the conversation. "What about you? How did you meet your... Eric." He looked back up at the ceiling.

Hongjoong watched the other's change in demeanor but he decided to let it go. "It was almost three years ago. I was still working at the corner store, living with my parents, and no one had found out about my sexuality yet. You'd been gone for 6 years? I had no one. One night I just went outside and started walking. I walked and walked until I stumbled across a club a few towns over. Getting drunk with strangers seemed like the best idea at that moment. But as soon as the drink was placed in front of me, I couldn't. Something kept me from it, I knew it wouldn't numb anything. So I decided to deal with the pain like I always do and head back home- even though my legs felt like they were about to fall off. When I paid for my drink the bartender looked at me funny and asked why I was going to pay if I didn't drink. I told him I simply changed my mind and he said- " Hongjoong's mouth started trembling at the memory, but a smile remained on his face, "... he said, 'what's a pretty thing like you doing in a dump like this anyway?'" Hongjoong felt his eyes watering and his voice became thick. "I was so... startled. Why was a _'man' _saying something like this to me? Didn't he know how others would misunderstand?... I brushed off the comment, but I stayed and listened to him talk. Whenever he didn't have other customers to assist he'd head back to me and that went on the whole night."__

____

____

Seonghwa turned to look at his friend, he could tell the younger man was far off into space as he spoke of his memory.

"When it was closing time, I got up and walked away- I didn't even say goodbye. I finally had my first good occurrence in a long time and I wanted to keep it that way. It was pitch black outside as I walked back home. A car pulled over on the highway and there he was, the bartender... Eric. He convinced me to let him give me a ride home even though it was a ways away." Hongjoong continued to smile sadly, "The car ride was so quiet. I didn't know what to say to him. He was so handsome and so... kind." Hongjoong felt his heart sink at the memory. "When we arrived in town- I was still wary enough not to give him my address- before I got out of the car, I asked him how he knew I was... gay. He smiled and said he didn't. I thought my heart was going to explode from outing myself but then he placed his hand on top of mine and said, 'but I was hoping you were'" Hongjoong blinked rapidily, "He asked if he could see me again and I said no," Joong laughed, "but I surprised both of us when I walked to the club a few days later. From then on... he was nothing but sweet. He was so supportive of me finding myself and accepting who I am." Hongjoong had to take deep breaths in order to continue. He felt Seonghwa's supportive hand on his and fought to finish. "Everything was well until he got a job and a house nearby. People started to notice us together and judge. My parents paid attention to me again, still only hateful. They were so embarrassed to have a 'homo' for a son that they moved back to the city I was born. Isn't that funny Seonghwa? They didn't care that others knew they beat me, but couldn't stand the fact that their piece of garbage son was also a 'fag'."

"Hongjoong," Seonghwa warned. He could sense the other falling into his self-hate mode.

The younger man took a deep breath and looked into his friend's eyes. Seonghwa's firm stare calmed him and brought him back.

"Sorry. I just- It sucks you know. I thought even with my parents gone and everyone in town hating me... the fact that I had Eric and he didn't care about what others thought- man I thought everything was going to be okay. But Eric started to become aggressive at times, with or without drinking. He'd blow up over the smallest things then later apologize. That turned into pushes and shoves whenever I'd do something he didn't like... then he'd apologize quickly. I always forgave him, but now he doesn't even say sorry. He just hits, pinches, chokes, kicks-" Hongjoong inhaled loudly and raggedly, "and I still forgive."

Seonghwa felt sick. "Why Hongjoong?" he demanded.

"Because he's all I have- and don't say I have you... I mean he's all I have in this way. Everyone is disgusted by me, but he accepts me. He tolerates me. If I want love, he's all I can get it from."

Seonghwa turned on his side and moved closer so that he looked down at Hongjoong. "That is not true." When the other's big dark eyes stared up at him, Seonghwa felt his stomach drop. "You think you two are the only gay people in this world? Leave this forsaken town, leave that damn man, and find happiness Joong."

"That's easy for you to say. A man who can afford to take months worth of vacation to 'clear his head' you can't tell me how to live when you left your calm home because you were bored."

Seonghwa knew what the other was doing and he wasn't going to let it happen. Hongjoong always passed his pain off as a joke or reflected it by trying to hurt Seonghwa. The older man wasn't a kid anymore, he wasn't about to cry and send the 'meanie' home. Now he just wanted to stay and help, no matter what the other said. "This isn't about me Hongjoong. You deserve better."

"I deserve nothing. I am nothing."

"You are everything." Seonghwa stared down into the other's hard eyes. He couldn't imagine how much the man below him was bottling up and holding in. From his parents to his dreams being pulled away to his warped outlook on love. The younger man needed to let go. "Let it out Hongjoong."

His voice shook as he responded. "What are you talking about?"

"You are so strong. I know. I can't imagine what you feel and I know I'll never be able to understand." He watched the other's face scrunch up until he looked almost angry. Seonghwa would've thought he was if not for his tear-filled eyes. "But I'm here okay? I know I left for a long time, but I'm still your best friend and I love you. Please, let me shoulder some of your pain." A tear finally fell down the side of Hongjoong's face, then another- and another until a choked sob bubbled from the younger man's throat. Seonghwa immediately enveloped him in his arms and pulled them into a sitting position. "That's it." He rubbed Hongjoong's back as the man cried out. "Let it out." The wailing emitted from the smaller man was heart-wrenching and loud. He'd never heard anything like it before, the closest was the screaming he'd hear from the Kims’ house some nights- but he's never sounded this sorrowful. Seonghwa kept silent, even as tears escaped his eyes as well, all he did was hug the other tighter. "I'm right here." he rocked them back and forth trying his best to soothe the other. "I'm right here.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa held hands the whole drive back to the hotel. It was a silent ride, but neither felt the need to speak. Seonghwa drove with his left hand and smiled at the road ahead. He couldn't believe he had managed to get through to the other, it wasn't perfect but it was a start.

Sitting in the passenger seat, the younger man stared out the side window. Hongjoong felt light-headed, from crying a lot and from the many thoughts running through his head. Seonghwa had told him he deserved better, that he was everything... Hongjoong couldn't remember ever feeling so important. Aside from his parents, the man driving was the one person he's known the longest. But unlike anyone he's ever known, Seonghwa has never hurt him- (at least not intentionally) but even when he left this town, Hongjoong felt relief that at least one of them was able to escape. Hongjoong's throat was sore, but that was the only pain he felt at the moment. Seonghwa had held him, soothed him, and helped him release so much hurt and anger he'd been keeping in. Hongjoong looked away from the window and at his best friend. He smiled gratefully then glanced down at their conjoined hands in his lap. 'Seonghwa is so lovely, Jiho is very lucky to have him.' Hongjoong's smile fell at the thought. What the hell was he thinking? He shook his head and looked back through the window. He'd never forgive himself if he compromised their friendship by trying to see Seonghwa any other way. The hotel came into view and his stomach dropped. The one thing he'd feared when they left the shack too late came to pass. Waiting outside his workplace for Hongjoong... was Eric. Hongjoong locked eyes with his boyfriend as Seonghwa pulled up and let him out.

Seonghwa was surprised when Hongjoong frantically asked him to let him out before the older got a chance to find a parking spot. When he spotted the bartender staring blankly at his car, he understood. As he walked towards the hotel he was stopped by an unknown voice.

"Seonghwa? Right?"

Hearing his name, he turned around and stood face to face with Hongjoong's boyfriend. Already feeling his temper bubble, he opted to simply nod instead of saying anything. A wide-eyed Hongjoong behind Eric didn't help.

"Nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you." He said as he reached his arm out for Seonghwa to shake.

Seonghwa stared at the offending appendage and only grabbed it once he noticed Hongjoong's worried expression. "Same for you." He watched Eric look over his shoulder with a 'Is that so?' Seonghwa was glad he was no longer shaking the taller man's hand because he had to squeeze his own to calm down.

Eric turned back to his boyfriends 'best friend ' "Well, Joonie told me you were in town a few weeks back. I had no idea you two were spending so much time together." He let out a forced laugh.

"Well, we've been catching up on a lot. I've been gone for eleven years." Seonghwa was really getting annoyed at the other's monotone responses.

"That's too bad. I can't blame you though. I've been in this town for two years now and I'm still surprised as to why anyone would want to stay. And since Joonie is my only family here, I haven't got many friends. Perhaps we'd hit it off too Seonghwa. What do you say you come over for dinner one night? My babe's an excellent cook."

Seonghwa really didn't know what the other was playing at. When he spotted his best friend behind Eric with his head down, he internally sighed. "... Sure. That sounds like a good idea."

"I'll see you then." Eric smiled then turned and grabbed Hongjoong around the shoulders, leading him away. He spoke back to Seonghwa as they walked, "It was nice meeting you."

Seonghwa waved and barely tried to keep up his fake smile. He waited until the couple was in their car to go back to his hotel room. 'Asshole.' he thought.

.

.

.

Hongjoong bit the pillow harshly as he smashed his face into it. He throatily screamed into the fabric while pulling his hair with both hands. Being rammed into by the man behind him wasn't as enjoyable as it could be, Eric wasn't being gentle today. It was almost amusing how tricked the smaller man felt. They'd started off so slow, he thought it was going to be how it was towards the beginning of their relationship. Instead of the timid touches and frantic, but savory kisses Hongjoong longed to feel again, this time took a turn quickly and much like it's been for the last year- was meant for only one participant to enjoy. The pain from the other's harsh hold on his hips and his barely-prepped entrance didn't stop Hongjoong from moaning into his pillow. He couldn't help it, not when he pictured another over him. The image of long, pretty fingers rubbing up his sides instead of the bony ones digging into them now made the small man's eyes roll towards the back of his head. He couldn't help the whimper that escaped lips, his toes curling at the thought of Seonghwa being able to push even deeper inside of him.

The first time Hongjoong ever imagined Seonghwa as more than a friend was the night he clutched his hand in the rental car after his meltdown. He may have pushed the thought away quickly, stomach-turning at the possibility of ruining their relationship. But his dreams that night consisted of his best friend and the happiness he felt with him. Because of those dreams he awoke the next morning with a smile on his face, a warmness in his chest, and giddiness in his gut at how he was about to see him again. Seonghwa, being the dork Hongjoong adored, was none-the-wiser about his best friend's changing feelings towards him and Hongjoong didn't mind it in the least. All he wanted was to enjoy this new feeling, this **happy** feeling... So for almost two weeks since, that's what he's done. Kept it in, relished in their closeness, and fantasized like he did now.

Hongjoong felt tears spring to his eyes, the actual man behind and inside him forgotten as he fell deeper into his headspace. Goosebumps erupted all across his skin as he pictured Seonghwa gently kissing all around his back. Hongjoong bit his lip thinking how Seonghwa would be delicate enough and probably mouth up his protruding spinal bones as he hunched over. He was so close, he could feel it. Hongjoong fantasized even further and his whole body burned, he knew- he just knew Seonghwa wouldn't let him finish on his knees. He was too sweet- too considerate, Hongjoong pictured how Seonghwa would turn him on his back so that they locked eyes as they reached their climax together. 'You are everything.'

"Fuuuck," Hongjoong screamed into his pillow as he came untouched all over the mattress beneath him. Reaching his peak, harshly brought him out of his fantasy and into the reality where it was someone else inside his aching entrance. Luckily his spasming muscles post-orgasm caused the other to follow not too far behind. For once he was thankful for Eric not cuddling him afterward because now it was easier to slip back into his mind. His body was bruised and sore as he turned on his side and pulled the blankets to his chin, but Hongjoong smiled into the dark. Tomorrow... he would see Seonghwa again.


	3. Worst Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❗Major Trigger Warning ⚠️  
> Descriptive Physical & Verbal abuse ❗
> 
> If you still plan to read, I will make the section(s) I'm referring to start after a sign like this "###” so that you can skip over it.  
> When it's over it'll end with this "***"
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Depressive themes, Physical Abuse, and Violence  
> \- Please do not read if this is a problem for you

"So you've never seen a smartphone??"

"I've seen one before, I've just never _used_ one." Hongjoong replied, nestling back closer into Seonghwa's chest. They were at the quarry again, sitting on a picnic blanket looking towards the water. Hongjoong isn't sure how long they've been in this position, with him seated between Seonghwa's legs and his back pressed against the older man's front, but he's not complaining either. Seonghwa had taken out his phone and started showing Hongjoong everything about the device. Hongjoong wasn't sure if he's more interested in the phone or the fact that Seonghwa's arms were surrounding him, the left hugging his middle and the right holding the smartphone in front of them both. Hongjoong didn't dare turn his head to the right, Seonghwa's own rested on his shoulder and they were so close Hongjoong was able to lean his cheek against the side of his best friend’s forehead.

"Although they're called 'smartphones' and they are intricately built, they are made so that the user has easy access to almost anything and everything. Once you know the basics, using this supercomputer is suuuper simple. Plus, there are so many apps you can download to keep you entertained." Seonghwa swiped screens until he found his drawing app and opened it. Once it loaded he used his thumb to spell out on the screen 'S e e ?'

Hongjoong laughed and when Seonghwa pushed the screen closer to him he brought his left hand up and drew a smiley-face under the words. He felt Seonghwa's chest move against his back as the older let out a quick huff of laughter. "Okay, that's pretty cool." Hongjoong stated as he tried to suppress his giddy smirk.

"Cuute." Seonghwa teased at the smaller man's expression. It was even funnier when the tips of Hongjoong's ears reddened.

"Shut up." The younger pouted, ducking his head low enough to hide but still be able to see the phone.

Seonghwa let the smaller man hold the device in both hands while he dropped his right hand to Hongjoong's knee. He wasn't at all bothered by this high-level of skinship, it was quite comfortable and comforting to sit like this. With his chin perched on Hongjoong's shoulder, he looked on as the other continued to play on the phone. "Oh! Here, I'll show you everyone." Seonghwa brought his hand up and used his finger to swipe across the screen of the smartphone in Joong's hands. He opened his social media account and started scrolling down his homepage. "Alright, so this is... my neighbor Mari and her grandson Benji."

"He's cute."

"Yeah, I've babysat him a few times. This pic is from when his little league baseball team won the regional championship."

"That's nice, you seem like you care a lot about them."

"Mmm." Seonghwa hummed as he continued to scroll down his feed. "Oh... These are a few of my coworkers." Seonghwa pointed to them as he spoke their names, "There's Li, Tim, Hoon, Sang-Min, and... " he glowered, "... Marcus."  
Hongjoong looked over his shoulder at the other man's change in tone. Seonghwa looked annoyed.  
"He's in my department, he's competition... and he's a total douche." He looked at Hongjoong and playfully ordered, "We avoid Marcus," Seonghwa tried to suppress his smile as Joong quickly played along and nodded his head, "We don't like Marcus."

"Shall I make a voodoo doll of him?" Hongjoong smiled as Seonghwa looked towards the water in contemplation.

"Uuuum." He looked back at Hongjoong. "Yes." Seonghwa turned back to his phone and smiled at the smaller man's laughter. "Oh! This is Wooyoung and this is San."  
The fond smile on his best friend's face made Hongjoong curious and he quickly held the phone up higher to get a better look. On the screen was a photo of two very good looking men. The taller one stood behind the other, putting him in a loose chokehold. The man in front didn't seem to be too bothered seeing as he was smiling ear to ear.  
"They're my best friends." Seonghwa was smiling until he finished that sentence. "I mean... some of my closest friends."

Hongjoong shrugged, the words made him a little uncomfortable but he couldn't blame Seonghwa for having other best friends. "It's alright. It's been eleven years... It's not like I expected you to only have me, trust me Seonghwa. I'm okay, I'm happy for you."

Seonghwa smiled and dropped his right hand to join his other. He hugged Hongjoong's middle tightly. "Your words are saying one thing but your face is saying another." He teased. "You are my best friend, I promise. Eleven years or not... speaking or not... It hasn't changed. Regardless of our relationships with others, I'm right here. You're right here. And we're okay, right?"

Hongjoong stared at the photo on the screen, but he saw nothing. He only felt Seonghwa holding him and he leaned into the touch. He felt so complete with Seonghwa here. "Okay." This time it was Hongjoong who scrolled down. The next photo was of the same two men and it looked to be taken in the same spot as the last. Everything was the same except for the pose. This time the taller man had his arm slung around the other. The wide-eyed, shorter man had his arm wrapped around the other's middle as they posed for the picture. "They seem... close." 

Hongjoong turned at Seonghwa's abrupt laughter.  
"I should say so, they are married."

Hongjoong looked back at the photo. Now that he knew their relationship status, it was easier to see how comfortably they held each other. "Married?"

"Yeah, around 4 years ago in France. Wooyoung wanted the best wedding and San gave it to him. In my opinion, it was a little much, but that's Woo for you."

 _Married_... two men. Hongjoong had heard of its legality spreading across the world, but it still seemed so far from him. They look so... happy. "Is this why you weren't so shocked- or grossed out- when you found out I was gay?"

"I wasn't against it, I was just surprised that I didn't know. I've known you forever and finding out from anyone that wasn't you... "

"I'm sorry I never told you, but I was scared when I found out myself." With Seonghwa's secure arms around him, he didn't feel scared or ashamed anymore. Hongjoong continued to scroll until he saw his best friend's famous smile. The one that seemed like he was almost in pain, yet shined bright enough to power a city. Seonghwa's right arm was stretched forward, most likely holding the camera to take the photo, while his left was slung around the neck of a woman. Their faces were pushed together as they cheesed at the camera. Hongjoong's heart quickened. Had he ever seen Seonghwa this elated? The woman was stunning. Hongjoong felt the man behind him still and quiet down. That reaction confirmed to Hongjoong who this woman was. "Jiho." He said it as more of a statement than a question.

"Mm." Seonghwa stared at the photo. He hadn't seen his wife since he left all those weeks ago. He hadn't spoken to her, heard her voice... Seonghwa's chest hurt.

"You're lucky, she's very pretty."

"Yeah." Saying that much was a struggle. Seonghwa carefully took the phone out of Hongjoong's hands and brought it forward. This wasn't taken too long ago, but they seemed so happy. This was before- He pressed the power button to turn off the screen. "Y'know, it's pretty hot. Let’s go for a swim." 

Seonghwa untangled himself from the man in front of him and stood up. He dropped his phone onto the picnic quilt and started to undress.

"Seonghwa!" Hongjoong exclaimed as the older man dropped his shirt. Hongjoong looked away, feeling his face heat up, and only looked back at Seonghwa when the other raced across the pebble-filled shore towards the water.

"C'mon!" Seonghwa yelled once he was close to the water.

"It says 'No Swimming'!"

"That's never stopped us before!"

Hongjoong watched as the man, clad only in his boxers, jumped into the water with a large splash. The smile on Seonghwa's face when he resurfaced was enough to convince the younger man to join. Hongjoong quickly undressed until he was only in his undershirt and briefs and ran towards the water. It was a little cold but- with today's heat- very welcome. Hongjoong walked further and further until the water was just under his chin. Seonghwa had already swum deeper into the water. "Those rocks hurt my feet you jackass!" He knew the other heard him when he saw Seonghwa start to crack up. "You could've warned me!"

Seonghwa swam closer to the frowning man. "Sorry," he smiled, "I guess I'm just not as weak as you are." He howled when that statement earned him a splash to the face.

The men continued to fight in the water until their old competitiveness showed it's head. From then on it was seeing who could hold their breath the longest, handstand competitions, and swimming races. All it took was for one to accuse the other of cheating before they started splashing each other again.

Seonghwa was rubbing at his eyes, they stung a bit from that last splash. When his vision cleared up, he looked at Hongjoong and his smile dropped. Seonghwa squinted to get a better look. Earlier when they were swimming, he thought he'd seen something on Hongjoong's face- but now he was certain of it.

When Hongjoong realized the other wasn't going to retaliate he decided to finally get closer. He stopped when he saw Seonghwa's odd expression. "What is it?" He asked as he swam closer. Hongjoong was starting to get a bit scared. He really didn't know what the other was looking at. This was just a quarry so there couldn't have been any sharks or gators in the water. When he was in front of Seonghwa, there was no doubt the other was looking at something on his face. Hongjoong put an arm on Seonghwa's shoulder. They were close enough to the shore that the water came to Seonghwa's neck as he stood on the floor. Hongjoong's face would still be below water if he were to stand, so he decided to hang off of Seonghwa for them to be at eye-level. "Seriously Seonghwa, you're scaring me."

Seonghwa reached a hand up and wiped away at some of the makeup coming off on the right side of Hongjoong's face. The smaller man flinched a little when Seonghwa's thumb swiped over the fading purple bruise under his left eye.

Hongjoong sighed. He had forgotten all about the concealer he put on to hide his black eye this morning. When Seonghwa convinced him to swim that was the furthest thing from his mind. Now he knew why the other halted their fun. Hongjoong's mood fell and he looked at the other man's chin, he hoped Seonghwa wasn't disappointed in him. He was afraid to meet the other's eyes and see something telling him just how stupid he was. That's why Hongjoong was surprised when Seonghwa leaned forward and kissed the bruise before wrapping his arms tightly around the small man. That shock, however, didn't keep him from returning the embrace by wrapping his arms around Seonghwa's neck and holding him close.

"I'm tired," Seonghwa stated as he held the other. "Do you want to go back to the picnic?" He smiled when he felt the other nod. When Hongjoong didn't make a move to let go, Seonghwa huffed. "Am I supposed to carry you there?" The smaller man wrapped his legs around Seonghwa's middle and the older man laughed. "Brat." As he scurried towards the picnic blanket, each of his cries of 'ow' were met with overly-amused giggles from the man in his arms that Seonghwa could only describe as evil. "That friggin hurt." He whined as he dropped Hongjoong on his feet once they reached the blanket.

"Well, that's too bad." Hongjoong sat down and watched as Seonghwa pouted and joined him. "But it's good that you carried me. You know why?"

"Because I didn't warn you earlier?"

"That... and because you have to be extra nice to me today."

Seonghwa looked over at the other. His eyes quickly glanced down to the purple bruise before looking back into Hongjoong's big eyes. "Why?"

"Because yesterday was my birthday."

"... "Seonghwa looked away in contemplation. "Oh my god it was... "

Hongjoong kept his small smile on his face even though he was a little hurt the other had forgotten.  
"Well, happy late birthday bud."

"Thanks." Hongjoong replied quietly.

Seonghwa smirked as he watched the other close his eyes and lean back. Hongjoong sat with his legs out in front of him crossed at the ankle, leaning back with his arms supporting him. Seonghwa's view from the corner of their mat gave him a total view of the other's lean body. Once you saw past the occasional bruise and fading scars, the body itself was quite alluring. This was the first he's seen the other so bare since they swam at this same quarry 15 or so years ago. Hongjoong's body has changed a lot. Although still thin, he was no longer the scrawny little pre-teen. His body had filled out and there was now muscle where there used to be only skin and bone. His tawny skin looked so smooth, in fact every part of him looked soft. Even the hint of abs on his small middle. Everything about him was so... attractive. "Y'know... " Seonghwa started, breaking the silence. The other opened his eyes and lowered his head that was just turned towards the sky. With Hongjoong's face in the mix, Seonghwa surmised his friend had to be one of the most attractive people he's seen- and his current slicked back hair from the water only added to the fact. "I think I'm starting to see why even men can't resist you." The younger's eyes widened in confusion. "You're gorgeous Hongie."

The pure, proud smile on the other's face let Hongjoong know Seonghwa wasn't merely flirting with him- but telling him his honest opinion. That didn't stop Hongjoong's heart from picking up or him stuttering out his response. "T-thank you."

"I'm serious. I knew you were handsome but, " he whistled, "Damn boy. If I wasn't married."

"Seonghwa!" There goes the flirting. Hongjoong took a deep breath and shook his head as the other laughed. "As soon as we dry off, take me home." He couldn't fight his smile as the other pouted.

"Oh, you're no fun." Seonghwa met eyes with the other and warmed at Hongjoong's smile. He startled when it slowly dropped. "What?"

Hongjoong looked away from his eyes and shook his head. "No... it's selfish."

"A good selfish or a bad selfish?"

Hongjoong smiled slightly and looked at the other, now intrigued. "What's the difference?"

"A bad selfish is when you make excuses for the ones who hurt you just so they can stay. A good selfish is anything else."

Their eye contact remained when Hongjoong responded. "A good selfish."

"Then tell me."

"It's been a good day, actually... it's been good ever since you started to talk to me again. And sometimes I forget you have a whole life somewhere else." He could feel his eyes burn from unwanted tears, "But I don't want to lose this. I know you can’t stay and I know you have to go back... but I don't-" he cut himself off. "I'm selfish."

"No, Hongjoong. You're not selfish. I've felt incredibly happy during our time together. No matter what happens, remember what I said... we're still okay. We'll always be okay. I don't care if I have to drive down here every weekend, I'm not going to let you slip from my life again. You're too important to me. We won't see each other as much, but I will make sure it's not too long- even if I have to buy you a smartphone myself just so we can video chat-" the mood immediately picked up when the younger started to laugh, "even if I have to do that! Okay?"

Hongjoong quickly wiped away some of his tears as he smiled and nodded. "Okay, Seongie."

"Ewww." Hongjoong laughed harder. "Not that nickname... I've always hated that nickname."

"Sorry. Okay, enough of the sad stuff. Let's eat!"

After drying off and redressing, they packed the empty food containers and folded the blanket then carried them to the car. Seonghwa put everything in the trunk and sat in the driver's seat. He looked over to Hongjoong who was already buckled up. "Do you have a lighter?"

The younger one looked at him oddly before nodding and reaching into his miniature backpack and pulling out his lighter and a pack of cigarettes. "These too?" he asked, holding the box.

"Oh no. Ew. Smoking is bad for you y'know."

"I do." he smiled as he dropped the box back into his bag and handed the lighter to Seonghwa. "Why do you need it?"

"No reason," he stated as he reached behind the passenger seat and brought forth a small white box. He placed it on the middle compartment between the driver and passenger seats. "Just this."

Seonghwa opened the box so that Hongjoong wasn't able to see the inside. The sneaky look on the older man's face made Hongjoong smile. He heard the other ignite the lighter and then Seonghwa turned the box towards him. Hongjoong's eyes widened as he saw the small cake. Seonghwa's soft, calming voice as he sang 'Happy Birthday' made Hongjoong feel so much- too much. "You acted like you forgot," he muttered quietly.

"Well, you were a no-show yesterday so I couldn't celebrate with you then... but I could never forget. Your birthday is like TOP TEN most important birthdays to me." His tease earned him a glare from the other. "Okay TOP FIVE." Hongjoong's hard look still didn't let up, "Okay TOP ONE but I'm not going any higher than that!"

Hongjoong giggled, he felt so happy right now. It was still daytime, but they had to cut their time short because Hongjoong was wanted at home. The cake was small enough for them to finish on the ride to Hongjoong's house. Since their time together was no longer a secret, that's where Seonghwa had been picking him up and dropping him off on days when Eric wasn't at work. There were only a few bites left and Hongjoong was having too much fun feeding a driving Seonghwa. The older man was adamant about keeping his eyes on the road, but whenever Hongjoong missed his mouth he would complain. "Oh calm down, if you'd just look over a bit there wouldn't be such a mess." At the stop sign, Seonghwa looked over to him and pouted. The younger didn't hide his amusement when he noticed the mess he made. "Okay, I'm sorry." Hongjoong reached over and used his thumb to wipe off the frosting hanging off the side of Seonghwa's mouth. He noticed the older man's eyes watch every movement as he brought his thumb to his lips and cleaned it off with his mouth. The look in Seonghwa's eyes turned unfamiliar but Hongjoong still felt himself heat up.

"Hn." Seonghwa said to himself before he looked back to the road on continued driving. Whatever was on his mind was pushed out of his head as Hongjoong's house came into view. When he pulled out front he sighed and Hongjoong unbuckled himself. He could see Hongjoong turn to him in his peripheral. Seonghwa didn't look over until the other grabbed his hand lightly.

"Thank you for today. It's the best birthday I've had in- well, ever I think."

Seonghwa looked down at their intertwined hands and squeezed. "My pleasure Joong. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you yesterday, but again... Happy Birthday." He smiled at his friend. His eyes and smile widened as Hongjoong quickly pecked him on the cheek and grabbed his backpack before rushing out of the car. He'd never seen the other so bashful. Seonghwa's smile dropped when the front door opened before Hongjoong had the chance to unlock it and out came Eric. Seonghwa waved and the other waved back before holding his arm up in a halting position and jogging towards the car.

"Hey, Seonghwa."

"How's it going."

"You like football?"

Seonghwa had to physically keep his brows from furrowing and his eyes from rolling. He really didn't want to speak to this guy. "I'm not an avid follower, but I watch when I can."

"Well, there's a big game going on tonight. Joonie is going to cook, you should stick around. We could have that dinner we talked about a while back."  
From behind Eric, Seonghwa could see Hongjoong wringing his hands nervously. The younger man was too far away to hear what they were talking about so Seonghwa smiled at Eric to relieve his friend. "That sounds nice." Seonghwa knew he was asking for it- an evening of pure torture- but at least he'd be able to spend more time with Hongjoong tonight. And anytime he could spend with his best friend, he needed to- especially with Seonghwa's ever-growing need to return home.

Seonghwa could not lie, sitting in Hongjoong's living room watching a football game with his best friend’s abuser is not how he imagined this day ending. The past hour had been incredibly awkward. Seonghwa spent the whole time pretending to be really into the game, that way he could ignore Eric as much as possible. He's barely seen much of his best friend since the younger changed into more formal wear then disappeared into the kitchen. While watching the players on the screen kick the ball back and forth, the clanking in the kitchen behind him distracted Seonghwa more. He turned around in the armchair he was currently sitting in and stared through the rectangular area that gave you a glimpse of the kitchen. "Need any help in there?" His shout caught the attention of not only Hongjoong but the man sitting on the sofa opposite the tv screen. In his peripheral he saw Eric's head turn towards him but Seonghwa paid him no mind.

"I'm okay, thank you." Hongjoong hastily replied.

Seonghwa could tell the other was anxious, so he stood from the couch and made to join him. "He's lying." he said to Eric who nodded. When Seonghwa entered the kitchen he saw why the other was so frantic. Hongjoong had so many things going on at once. He was cooking on three burners on the stove, baking a cake, trying to mix drinks, and washing every dish after he used it. Seonghwa stood at the entrance. "Where do you need me?"

Hongjoong stopped and looked at him wide-eyed before letting out a relieved sigh and pointing to the dishes. "Please?"

Seonghwa smiled and headed towards the sink patting Hongjoong's hip encouragingly as he passed him. Throughout the time he spent helping Hongjoong in the kitchen, Eric decided to make small talk from his seat on the couch. Seonghwa was glad the older man didn't feel the need to turn around fully and speak, instead opting to turn his head just a bit and talk loudly over his shoulder. Because of this Seonghwa could make as many faces at the other and childishly roll his eyes when he responded. He could tell Hongjoong was amused by his behavior even if the younger was silently scolding him and hitting him whenever Seonghwa did it.

"It's cool that you're helping him. Y'know this special dinner isn't just for game night."

Seonghwa was stirring the potatoes in one of the pans. From his position at the stove, he could see the whole living room area through the rectangular space in the wall. He kept his eyes on the food as he responded to the man on the couch. "It's not?"

"Yeah, it was Joonie 's birthday yesterday and since I worked most of the day we didn't really get to celebrate."

Seonghwa widened his eyes in exaggeration. "Oh, really?" His fake shock made Hongjoong hide behind the refrigerator, covering his mouth to suppress his laughter. "I totally forgot about it."

"Well, it's a good thing you decided to stick around."

"It is!" Seonghwa smiled widely at the small man who was almost in tears. A fond expression on his face as he watched the younger shake his head slowly while still covering his own smile.

Hongjoong had finished the drinks and the cake was off to the side cooling down. He nudged Seonghwa aside so that he now stood in front of the stove. His eyes caught movement in the living room ahead and he watched Eric stand and head off to the side most likely going to the bathroom. Once the man was out of sight, Hongjoong looked back to the food below and started stirring. He had this nagging feeling growing inside of him ever since Seonghwa and Eric started chatting, he decided to speak on it. "So you seem to be remaining civil towards him. Is he starting to get on your good side?" Hongjoong really didn't mean to say it as snippily as it came out, but lately he's been thinking of Seonghwa as his sort of- knight in shining armor- and seeing him have a polite conversation with his should-be enemy upset Hongjoong a bit. Just because Joong had a troublesome relationship with Eric didn't mean he thought it was okay for Seonghwa to give him a chance. In Hongjoong's eyes, he didn't want his friend to be anywhere near this filth that he believed he and his boyfriend were surrounded by. He didn't want Seonghwa to be sullied in any way, especially when Hongjoong felt he had already dirtied him enough. All his worries about Seonghwa giving Eric a chance flew out the window when the latter stood behind Hongjoong and whispered into his ear.

"Don't get me wrong. I hate his fucking guts. I'm just playing nice so he doesn't feel the need to hurt you if I embarrass his ass. Even if he got baptized tomorrow, confessed all his sins, and joined a convent... I could never forgive him for what he’s done to you."

Hongjoong stared straight into Seonghwa's eyes, founding no trace of a lie. Even though Hongjoong was with Eric, he felt immense relief at Seonghwa's words. He wanted so dearly to keep these two worlds apart, the light and the dark. Their eye contact stayed until the smaller man jumped at the sound of the bathroom door being opened. He pushed Seonghwa away with his hips and continued to stir the food. 

Eric joined the pair in the kitchen. "Mm, babe. It smells good." He smiled as he wrapped his arms around the small man.

"It's almost done." Hongjoong replied. He wished Eric wouldn't do this with Seonghwa around. When he snuck a glance to the side it looked like the latter was looking anywhere but at the couple. Hongjoong plastered a smile on his face and tried not to cringe when Eric kissed the side of his neck before letting him go.

Eric spoke to the man leaning against the opening frame between the kitchen and the dining room. "Looks like everything is wrapping up in here, you coming back to watch the game?"

Seonghwa looked up to the taller man as he passed by, "Yeah I'll be there in a sec." When the older man's back was turned, Seonghwa stepped a bit closer to Hongjoong so he could get a good view as he flipped the departing man off. The younger's eyes widened and he swatted Seonghwa's hand furiously. Seonghwa could tell the other was shocked, yet amused at the gesture. Once Seonghwa's hand was pulled down and out of Eric's direction, Seonghwa grabbed Hongjoong's swatting hand and pulled it close to him. He could see him become confused and then startled when Seonghwa brought Hongjoong's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles. Seonghwa smiled widely and winked before joining Eric in the living room.

Conversation between all three men once dinner was set was quiet. The main speaker of the trio was the oldest. Eric spoke mostly to Seonghwa and would steer the conversation to the youngest every once in a while. Seonghwa got even more annoyed when Eric would speak about the youngest as if he wasn't sitting right there. The main sound currently was the clanking of the eating utensils against the plates. Seonghwa decided to finally try the juicy steak he'd put to the side and when he did he literally had to quiet his moan.

"Oh my god." When his exclamation made Hongjoong look up at him he continued. "You made this?"

Hongjoong scrunched his brows in worry at that man seated across from him, he's never been that confident in his cooking skills. Even if Seonghwa joked with him and said it was terrible, he's sure he'd feel a little disappointed. Hongjoong cautiously nodded.

"It's incredible Hongie. I had no idea you had this talent."

While Hongjoong ducked his head and tried to hide his smile, he and Seonghwa missed the quiet, simmering man seated at the end of the table.  
As Hongjoong was uttering out his thanks, he stuttered slightly when he felt a foot slowly but firmly press down on his. His heart jumped and he didn't dare look to his left... he could tell he'd already upset Eric. Hongjoong blanked out for a second as he went over everything he'd said and done, he couldn't pinpoint what it was that ticked the other off and it was starting to make him anxious.  
Seonghwa could tell something was going on with Hongjoong but the man to his right prevented him from asking yet.

"I see your ring. You married?"

Seonghwa pried his eyes away from his friend and looked at Eric. "Yes I am." he faked a smile. "5 years now."

Eric whistled, "That's a long time, you're pretty young right?"

"You don't want to wait when you know you've found the one."

"That's true. I can say the same about Joonie and me... I liked him for a bit longer than he liked me. But I knew he was the one when he finally opened up about his family. I'm sure you know all about it."

"I do."

"Well, you see. We- Hongjoong and I- we have very similar backstories. Our father's knocked us around growing up... but we're only stronger now," he turned to Hongjoong, "aren't we babe?"

Seonghwa could honestly say the fake smile Hongjoong gave made his stomach turn. "Where are your parents now? If you don't mind me asking."

Eric turned back to Seonghwa. "A few hundred miles away." he smiled, "My father was running for office and paid me a god awful amount of money to go away and keep quiet." When he watched Seonghwa's expression fall he laughed, "It's no harm to me. It's much better than you can imagine. Their monthly 'hush money' is how I was able to buy this house. You don't think bartending affords all of this do you?"

"I didn't think much about it." Seonghwa said lamely as he returned back to his plate. Whatever small amount of interest he built up, he lost just as quickly.

"So, where is your bride?"

Seonghwa internally sighed. "Back home in the city. I came to visit my parents for a few weeks and she couldn't come because of work." The lie easily rolled off his tongue.

"You've been here for... two months no?" Eric stated as he started to pick more at his plate. "If you don't mind me saying, that's a long visit."

Seonghwa clenched his jaw and continued to smile, "No, you're right. It's a long visit but I missed my parents." He looked and nodded towards Hongjoong. "I missed my friends."

Eric continued eating, "Of course, I completely understand. It's just... I know I wouldn't be able to be away from Joonie that long. I don't know how you're doing it."

Seonghwa could tell the other was purposefully prying, trying to push his buttons and if he was being honest with himself- it was working. "Trust me, it's not without difficulty... but I don't get many opportunities like this and my job was able to give me the time off- so I took it. I miss her and my home, but I'll be back soon... I'm almost finished with my time here." Seonghwa was looking at Eric so he missed Hongjoong's panicked eyes. A part of him knew how the other would react so he didn't look at Hongjoong just yet. Seonghwa hated that this was the way for Hongjoong to find out.

"That's too bad. We were just getting to know each other."

"Don't fret, I'll be visiting a lot more- especially since my old friendship is up and running." He smiled at Hongjoong but the younger man's head was still down as he poked at his plate.

"Sounds like a plan. Hopefully next time you'll even bring the missus." Seonghwa smiled and nodded and the three continued to eat their meal.

Hongjoong barely said goodbye to Seonghwa when the latter left, he was so upset. Upset about what was about to happen in his home and upset about Seonghwa's impending departure. He was at the sink washing the dishes from dinner when he heard footsteps as Eric entered the kitchen. Hongjoong closed his eyes and tried not to seem too afraid as he willed his body to continue what he was doing.

"So nothing's going on between you two?"

Hongjoong's brows trembled. How many times did they have to have this conversation? He did his best to keep the tremble out of his voice, "No Eric," he shook his head and looked over his shoulder, "I swear."

"You know... '' Eric said as he pushed his body off of the counter he was leaning against and walked closer towards Hongjoong. The flinch the smaller man did at the sudden movement amused him. "You keep saying that but I witnessed it first-hand tonight."

Hongjoong felt like crying as he dropped the rag in the sink and turned around to Eric. "What do you mean?" His mind raced as he thought of what it could've been, was it when Seonghwa kissed his hand? Eric's back was turned... "There's nothing going on Eric." Hongjoong looked down quickly and fought to look back up as the tall man slowly approached him.

"You say that but why did you blush like a stupid little school girl when he complimented your cooking then acted like it was the end of the world when he said he was leaving?"

"That wa-" His words were cut off as Eric gripped his face harshly.

"And don't think I didn't hear you two giggling and whispering behind my back. What were you two saying huh?"

Hongjoong wasn't able to speak until Eric loosened his grip and slowly caressed his jaw, "Eric, it's not like that." Hongjoong said one more time, but based on the other's hard eyes, it was already too late. Hongjoong had been in this situation too many times, much longer than Eric has been the abuser. There was only one way out and that was to escape... and Hongjoong didn't mean running. Hongjoong closed his eyes. 'I'm not here.' he thought 'I'm not here... I'm not here... I'm not here... I'm not here... ' he repeated until he fell into his headspace, the only time he truly felt free and safe. Once he was able to slip into this dream-state, he couldn't feel the pain from the blows.

###

Eric saw the small man's eyes glaze over like they always did and every time... it pissed him off. He pulled the man forward by the hold he had on his throat and slammed him back against the cabinets.  
'One' Hongjoong counted to himself. He felt Eric grab onto the front of his shirt before he was thrown to the floor 'two'... 

***

Seonghwa sat on the edge of his bed in his dark hotel room. He felt so useless sitting here. He just left Hongjoong there with that... Seonghwa has felt hate before, he truly hated Hongjoong's parents, so he knows the feeling. The twist in his gut and the overwhelming feeling of disgust. It's against everything he stands for, but as much as he cares for his friend- he knows he hates Eric just as much. Seonghwa had this nagging feeling in the back of his mind- did Eric always act so odd-like or was he pissed off? His leg shook as he contemplated. The clock on the bedside table said it was 12:30 a.m., what would happen if he drove back over there at this time? Seonghwa's chest felt heavy, it always was when he left his friend with that psychopath. He wanted to go get him- Seonghwa quickly grabbed his phone when it rang. He froze at the picture on the screen. Seonghwa stared at it before slowly swiping across the answer button and holding it to his ear.

"Seonghwa?"

He let out a ragged breath at the voice. His heart that had raced while he worried for Hongjoong now beat slowly but loudly as he listened to the voice on the other end.

"Seonghwa sweetheart are you there?"

His eyes fluttered at the pet name and his lips trembled slightly as he croaked out his response. "Yes."

Jiho gasped quietly. "Baby, I've missed you."

"... I- I miss you too."

"I think it's time for you to come home."

Seonghwa didn't notice his tears until one quickly fell down his cheek. He stared across his dark room. "Me too," he whispered. He heard his wife start to break down on the other end.

"I love you."

Seonghwa slowly closed his eyes. His throat felt tight, but his mind... it was clear. "I... "

###

Eric was breathing heavily as he landed one last kick to Hongjoong's midsection. He was tired out, the punishment was enough for today. He closed his eyes and deeply inhaled before walking into the bedroom, leaving the other laying on the floor in the hallway.  
Hongjoong could feel his body convulsing and his breath coming out in quick, ragged spurts. It hurt all over, but the cool of the wooden floor provided some relief to his sweltering face. He didn't know if the other was done or taking a break, but all he could do was continue his counting of the blows. '37' he thought. '37'  
"t- thir ty se-" was all he was able to get out before everything went black.  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (~_~メ) poor Joong


	4. Almost Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a shortie  
> Had to post quickly after the painful last chapter 🥺

Seonghwa leaned his forehead against the door. No answer. It's been four days since he's seen Hongjoong. He hadn't seen Eric working in the hotel bar either. Even when he went to their house, no one answered. Seonghwa tried sticking around a bit longer each day, yet still nothing. Today he pounded on the door for 10 minutes, stood on the porch twice as long, then sat in his car for more than an hour before exiting and trying again. Seonghwa hoped the other was upset because he was leaving, he hoped that was the reason for being ignored... he didn't let himself think of any other possibilities.  
.  
.  
.  
Hongjoong placed Seonghwa's designated pillow under his back as he lay down on the pallet in the shack. He missed Seonghwa but he didn't want the other man to see him like this. When he'd looked in the mirror after waking up from his blackout 4 days ago, he almost puked at the image. His mouth and lips were coated with dried blood, his eyes were not only black- but one of the capillaries in his left one burst, turning the lower part of the eyeball bloody red. There was an open cut across the bridge of his nose... and this was just the damage on his face. It was a struggle to stand and his ribs hurt so terribly he was sure they were fractured or bruised. Hongjoong had spent the past days icing his body, barely getting any sleep. He hasn't seen himself since that morning, it was too revolting.

There were times when Eric did so much to him, that even the abusee himself felt he had to give Hongjoong time alone to heal. After beatings such as the last one, Hongjoong was free to do and go wherever he pleased. In the past, he would go to the park or a section in the forest and just sit and not eat until he came back out of his headspace, but since he now had the shack- it was serving as his temporary sanctuary. He'd limped all the way here last night and hasn't left since. It was quiet and dark when he arrived with his bag. He pulled out the tote in the corner that Seonghwa brought to hold their blankets, pillows, and candles. After he made the pallet last night he lit a candle and stared up at the ceiling until the sun rose over the horizon. 

Hongjoong only got up to relieve himself, brush his teeth, and drink one of the waters he brought. Now as he lay back on the pallet, Hongjoong felt himself come back to the real world.

He cringed from the pain in his middle when he reached over to grab his bag. Hongjoong opened it and pulled out a book to read, hoping to distract himself from his thoughts. For the first time, Hongjoong didn't want to go back home after he was healed. Now that he had something- someone to live for, he was afraid of what would happen if he did. Hongjoong dropped the book in alarm when he heard the wooden floor panels outside of the shack creak. He stared at the door wide-eyed and exhaled heavily when Seonghwa entered.

"Joong?!" Seonghwa stopped in the doorway, heartrate accelerating quickly- he's never felt such relief. Seonghwa ran over to the man struggling to sit up and kneeled at his feet. "Hongjoong." His brows trembled when he saw the state of his best friend. He helped Hongjoong to sit up the rest of the way and gently enveloped him in his arms. Seonghwa crossed one arm around Hongjoong's back and the other cradled the back of his head. He ran his fingers through the soft, black strands and closed his eyes to keep from tearing up. "How much longer?" he whispered. Seonghwa pulled back and brought both of his hands to softly hold the injured man's face. He saw the question in Hongjoong's eyes and continued. "How much longer am I supposed to sit here and wait for you to leave him? You don't deserve this, no one does. When will you see that this isn't real love?"

Hongjoong brought his hands up to cover Seonghwa's. His lips quivered when he responded quietly, "I'm starting too." He could feel his heart skip a beat when Seonghwa's eyes widened and watered.

"R-really?" he choked out. When Hongjoong nodded, it felt like a dam burst inside of him. He finally allowed himself to break down for the younger man. Seonghwa pressed his forehead against Hongjoong's and wept. He could feel the other's nose nudge against his and he hoped he didn't irritate the cut there, but he couldn't hold back. All the worry about his marriage, his parents, and his friend that'd built up over the past couple of months was coming all at once.

Hongjoong pulled back enough to examine Seonghwa's blotchy face. His wet lashes, the tensed crease between his trembling brows, the way his lips quivered with every ragged intake of breath... Hongjoong couldn't believe his heart. For Seonghwa to feel so much... all this emotion... for him. He rubbed his thumbs across the gentle man's lovely cheekbones. Was this the real love Seonghwa spoke of? The overwhelming affection he felt for the older man right now guided him forward, making him kiss Seonghwa's tear-stained cheek. A fresh tear fell from the other eye and Hongjoong caught it with his lips before it was able to drop completely. The more contact he had, the more impulsive he became. With the next kiss to Seonghwa's cheek, Hongjoong opened his mouth just enough to taste the salty skin. This is what he's craved all his life, this is what he's been denied- this warmth. When he pulled back he saw no rejection in his friend's eyes, just mild shock, curiosity, and something else? Hongjoong slowly closed the distance and their lips met.

Seonghwa had stilled the moment Hongjoong first kissed his cheek. He ceased his crying even as more tears fell. His eyes fluttered when Hongjoong kissed the other and a shiver ran through his body when he felt a hint of Hongjoong's tongue. When the smaller man pulled away, Seonghwa held his breath. He felt the familiar tinge of hunger. This was different, however, _new_ , but so right. Almost as if it was always meant to be this way... but of course Seonghwa wasn't thinking any of this at the moment. No, as he stared into the other's eyes, the only thing he could see and breathe was Hongjoong. There was nothing else in this world as he watched the other slowly lean in. That innocent first touch of lips was short-lived as Seonghwa immediately responded and wound his fingers into the other's soft hair. He didn't have time to ask himself: how long? All that resonated through his mind was that he needed more. He slipped his tongue into Hongjoong's mouth and the gasp the other made echoed though his body going straight south. Seonghwa moved his arms down to grab Hongjoong by the back of his thighs and bring him in his lap. Once the younger was straddling him, Seonghwa's mouth became more demanding. He didn't care about the fact he could barely breathe, he needed more.

This was nothing like Hongjoong has ever experienced, but everything he's ever wanted. Seonghwa's hands desperately moved from his back to his face to his bottom repeatedly. Hongjoong could cry if not for the different kind of ache starting up. Desperate for relief, he rubbed his crotch against Seonghwa's and immediately felt dizzy. When Seonghwa didn't resist, but only gripped harder, Hongjoong repeated his action and the two men broke their heated kiss only to moan into each other's mouths. Hongjoong couldn't get enough. He was beaten up and aching, but he longed to continue even more. Seonghwa had said he was 'everything'. If only the older man knew that's what he was to Hongjoong- everything good. If only he could stay forever in this moment, but that's not what he wanted most. He wanted Seonghwa on top of him, inside of him, all around him. He wanted to be consumed till he was nothing, but still everything to Seonghwa and Seonghwa only. He pulled back and looked at his beloved with hooded eyes. If Seonghwa's eyes were so lust-filled, Hongjoong couldn't imagine how his own looked. He bit his bottom lip and it seemed to have a positive effect on the older, seeing as his mouth curled up in a sexy snarl before he quickly lowered Hongjoong on his back. The smaller man's brows twitched and his jaw clenched tightly as pain shot through his midsection. His ribs flamed up, but he made no sound. This was too important, he would not let anything ruin this. His grimace must've caught the other's attention, however, and before he could placate Seonghwa, he saw the heat slowly leaving his eyes.

Seonghwa stopped immediately. Hongjoong just flinched, he's injured... because of Eric. "Shit." Seonghwa exclaimed as he shook away the fogginess in his mind. Jiho. Seonghwa quickly sat up and backed away from the other. "Shit." he said to himself. What was he thinking?

Hongjoong slowly backed against the wall behind him and brought his knees up... The pillow below him was pushing into his ribs but he made no move to push it away, starting to feel he deserved the pain. He could see the panic spread across the other's face. "Seonghwa," he whispered and when the other shot his questioning gaze towards him, Hongjoong quickly continued, "It was all me okay. I'm sorry. It was me. I made you do it. You're supposed to be my best friend and I took advantage of your moment of weakness. I'm so disgusting, please don't blame yourself."

"What?!" Seonghwa felt terrible when the other flinched. He shook his head, "No Hongjoong. You're-" he set one of his hands on Hongjoong's knee, "You're so fucking perfect." He lowered his forehead to that same knee. "You don't understand."

"T- then why... ?"

Seonghwa picked his head up, pulling his hand back to him. "I didn't want to stop. I don't. I want you so badly- more than I could ever imagine, but Hongjoong... I'm married, I made vows. " Seonghwa shook his head slowly. "A cheater? I don't want to be that person."

Hongjoong's chest tightened, he'd truly forgotten everything at that moment, he felt like such a fool. "I don't want to make you that person."

Seonghwa stared at the small man in front of him. This moment shedding light on the hidden feelings he'd steadily been developing for the other. But it wasn't their time, not when Seonghwa was taken and Hongjoong was so broken. Seonghwa lowered his head to cut off his view those long-wet lashes and kissed-red lips. He couldn't think straight right now. Not with Hongjoong right here and not when his body was still thrumming from what they just did. Seonghwa quickly stood. "Fuck." he cursed. _'Nothing is fair'_ That was his thought as he exited the shack. Once he was outside he leaned against the wooden wall and banged his head back. "Why?" He whispered to the sky.  
.  
.  
.  
Seonghwa checked out of his hotel room and went to his parents' house. He'd decided to spend his last night there before going back home in the morning. His mother welcomed him at the door and embraced him. He greeted his father as he passed by and was answered with a nod- at least they were on 'speaking' terms again.

Much like the first night here, Seonghwa lay restless in his old bed. Only, the topic keeping him awake was completely different. He had his ring off of his finger and was clutching it in his hand. It was quiet outside and through his open window, the only sound he could hear were bugs chirping. A few flashes on his ceiling caught his attention and when he turned his head to the side he saw that it was coming from outside. Seonghwa got out of bed and made his way over to the window. He couldn't hold back the smile that spread across his face as he looked down at his best friend. Hongjoong flickered his flashlight on and off a few times, spelling out the only thing the two had learned all those years ago, 'sup'. He chuckled when Hongjoong finished with a smile and flipped him off. Seonghwa flipped him off too before stepping away and quietly rushing downstairs. 

Once he was outside he walked past Hongjoong and into his backyard. Seonghwa sat on the back steps as he waited for the other to join him. "What are you doing here?" he asked without malice.

Hongjoong shrugged and sat next to him. It'd been two days since their kiss, but he knows they'd both calmed down and neither blamed the other. "Julie at the front desk said you checked out tonight and I wanted to catch you before you went back home."

Seonghwa turned to the smaller man with furrowed brows, "Regardless of what happened between us, I wouldn't have left without telling you goodbye. Please know that."

The younger man stared into Seonghwa's pleading eyes and nodded. "I guess. You did tell me 'we'll always be okay'... " He could feel his throat tighten up and he cleared it, "So... tomorrow then?"

Seonghwa watched as the other looked away from him. "Yeah."

"Your head's cleared?"

The older man observed from the side as a tear fell from Hongjoong's eye. "Very." His breath caught when the younger turned to him.

"I'll miss you." he murmured.

Seonghwa wiped away Hongjoong's tears with his knuckle, using it to caress the skin of the younger man's cherubic cheek. "You're so beautiful." His heart broke as Hongjoong closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Seonghwa turned his hand around so that his palm rested against the small man's face, moving his thumb to softly swipe along his pink bottom lip. Seony had so much he wanted to say. He could easily do his part to mend Hongjoong's broken heart now, but he needed to fix his problems before he even attempted to. If they were to try a relationship right now, there's no way it would end well. And Seonghwa only wanted Hongjoong to get what he deserved... everything.  
At the moment, Seonghwa knew he wasn't the one to give it to him. He shook himself sober, them lowered his hand to bring his best friend into his arms.

The pair sat outside for who knows how long, holding each other. Knowing that they could've stayed there all night and that Seonghwa had a long drive ahead of him, Hongjoong decided it was time to say goodbye. He hugged Seonghwa tightly.  
Instead of 'goodbyes', they said 'see-you-soons'... but Hongjoong felt empty. As he sauntered off he was pulled back to Seonghwa.

"I'm serious Hongjoong. I'll see you soon okay?" He waited until the other's eyes brightened up and for Joong to nod before he cradled the side of his face and pressed a lingering kiss on a section of unbruised skin on Hongjoong’s soft cheek.

"I love you." Hongjoong's eyes widened in surprise, it slipped out without him thinking.

Seonghwa pulled back a little and responded, "Of course you do. I'm loveable." When the younger man simply nodded, Seonghwa pinched his chin. "I love you too."

Hongjoong smiled and smacked the other's hand away. "You're supposed to say it back RIGHT away jerk." he teased as he backed away.

His familiar playful glare warmed Seonghwa, but he still felt torn. The other man had barely left the property and yet Seonghwa already missed him. It was truly difficult to leave here, to leave Joong, but Seonghwa had someone back home waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more left!
> 
> I hope you all have enjoyed it so far


End file.
